Happy Father's Day.....

.....to the best Dad I know.  

We are so very lucky.

XOXO

In My Daughter's Eyes

Do you know the song?

I've never listened to that song without crying at the end. Not once.

I have to be the least photogenic person I know and, of all the pictures I've taken in my life, I like maybe 10 of them.  

Last week, when Sophie controlled the camera for an hour, she took this photo of me.  We were playing and I looked up not realizing she had the camera.  She caught me totally off guard.

And I kind of like it.  

It's how I look at her.  In a loving, playful way.

When I first saw it, I thought this must be how I look in my daughter's eyes.

And it made me happy.

PS ~ Our old camera is on its last leg.  I let Soph tote it around from time to time because she likes taking pictures.  Recently the  pictures from that camera started coming out with some dark spots on the images.  That's what those dark spots are under my lip and on my chin.  I have no idea how or if it's possible to get them off.  Still, I liked this picture enough to share anyway.

Saturday Birdsong

Today was a really beautiful day. I was so happy to spend it with my family.

Sophie came downstairs early this afternoon wearing her sun hat. She asked if she could use some binoculars and then asked me to help find her bird book.  I gave her both and then watched out the kitchen window as she took off in her Jeep.  She was off to look for birds!

She ran inside a little while later and told me she'd found a Mourning Dove (which she'd identified herself using the book!).  She knows I have a very soft spot in my heart for Mourning Doves so I ran out with her to try and get a photo. I'm not sure if it's their sweet call that instantaneously calms me or knowing that 20 - 70 million of these quiet, gentle birds are killed each year (for sport and/or meat) but I adore these birds. It makes me so very happy that our yard provides a safe spot for these few to live and flourish.

 

As Soph and I crouched down in the middle of the yard, we noticed these two finches in our neighbors' bush.

 

My cute little ornithologist.

I aimed my camera at her as she turned her binoculars in my direction.

And then she flashed me her adorable smile!

Be still my beating heart.  

For years I'd been trying to take bee photos with my old camera and they just never turned out.  Honey bees, for me, are one of the most fascinating animals. I did my research on bees  when I studied Animal Behavior and it only fed my fascination....

Look at who I found hanging out in the clover today!

Other people can have their fertilizers and "perfect green grass" and boring yards but I'll take a nice, big clover patch ANY DAY!!!! The bees and rabbits and Harry (!) love the clover.

As I was in my bee trance, Soph came running over to tell me she'd found a Goldfinch.

That girl's got a good eye!

Then Clara woke up from her nap and came out begging to take a ride in the Jeep.

 

Afterwards, I pulled out some sidewalk chalk.....

....and then I dragged our art easel out into the yard/shade so Sophie & Clara could draw.

Alain brought out a watermelon snack for the girls.

Sophie took this photo of her finished drawing (can you believe I let her touch my camera? ha). Adorable.

I'd been telling Alain, Sophie & Clara that Harry (Winston) & his wife had a baby boy.  Today was the first time they got a glimpse.  Harry, Jr. is really hard to photograph and this was the best I could do!  His feathers are just starting to turn red. 

 

It took a couple of hours of trying but I finally got a photo of one of my beloved Chickadees.... 

I sometimes drag two A-frame trellises out into the yard and drape an old sheet over them.  Sophie likes to call it her "safari tent". My little Jane Goodall.

 

As we hung out on our picnic blanket, I was telling Sophie that the more still & quiet you are in nature, the more animals you notice.  While we were having this discussion, I could see a tiny bit of movement under the feeder.  I had to look hard but I realized there was a tiny little mouse hanging out in the brush. Can you see him/her?

And a tiny bird was hanging out not a foot away from the mouse!  We were amazed...

Alain brought out a nice, cold cocktail for the worn out parents. Clara asked him for some lemon.  While she sucked on it, she pointed out a plane flying overhead.

She's become so very interesting and can almost carry on a full-blown adult conversation.  She walked outside at some point this afternoon and called out to me, "Hi, Sweet Pea!"

Who's the Sweet Pea???

As I walked out to collect the mail, I noticed that my bee balm plant had bloomed (since yesterday). Bring on the butterflies! 

I do get frustrated because the plant is literally taking over our entire side bed but then it blooms....  This photo just kills me.

 

As I checked on the garden, I decided to take a picture of our eggplant.  It always elicits a laugh from me.  I clearly picked out a different type of eggplant this year and it's quite different in shape from any eggplant I've grown before. Can't wait to see how it tastes!

And Harry....my sweet, beloved Harry.  He's super hard to photograph (like father, like son!) but I tried all day.  I was giddy after I took these....

Sophie asked me if Harry is short for something and I said, "Yes, of course, Harold!".  Ha!

Harold. 

Isn't he something?

Lately I think a lot about how the world seems too loud, too busy, too hurried, too impersonal, too crowded, too careless, too uncaring, too violent, too destructive. This is nothing new for me. I have an extremely sensitive heart.

Hanging out with our girls, more than anything else, leaves me feeling hopeful.

As these snapshots from our Saturday show, our backyard is my sanctuary. I'd rather hang out here with this family that I love and adore more than anywhere else!

Such a perfect little day.

The Mockingbird Family

I spend a lot of time outside trying to capture photos of our resident birds.  Most of the time, I'm very lucky and get some good shots. I'm collecting them as I'm hoping to make a bird book for Sophie for her birthday.  Last week, I was out one afternoon and caught a baby mockingbird on the roof of our neighbor's playhouse....

I have to admit that I didn't know the baby was a mockingbird at first. But then I saw the parent on our compost wire......every once in a while, she'd (I'm guessing it's the Mom but I don't know for sure!) dive down into the pile and pull something out.  I kept watching....

.....and then she flew up to the playhouse roof and shared the goods with her sweet baby.

Her sweet baby is hard to please and Mom kept getting the funniest looks on her face.  No worries, Mama Bird, I know how you feel!

I ran inside to do something but came back out shortly after to find the baby on the fence.  Not long after, a second baby came along and I watched this little family for a long time.  They are so fuzzy and sweet!

It's such a pleasure having the mockingbirds around.  They sure do keep us entertained!!!

Spying on the Mama

Several weeks ago, while my Mom was visiting, we took Clara to our favorite local park.  I had my new camera and I decided I wanted to spy on this birdhouse.  While Mom entertained Clara on the playground, I planted myself under a nearby tree and waited.....

 

She came and went several times and I couldn't stop smiling as she popped in and out feeding her babies.

What a good Mama!!!

On Saying Goodbye / A Sacred Responsibility

In case you were worried by the post title, we have not lost Hubbell yet.  

He has recovered very well from his surgery. The biopsy did confirm that he has cancer and the doctor suggests that he has 3-6 months to live (comfortably).  However, as you know, Hubbell also suffers from Golden Retreiver Uveitis.  His remaining eye is quite bad and it is extremely likely that his eye/glaucoma will progress to a point of high pressure and pain before the cancer makes him uncomfortable again.  Our intention is to enjoy our time with him until it's clear to us that his "quality of life" is not there anymore.  I know my dog extremely well and I can tell when he's having a bad moment or he's uncomfortable.  At this point in time, his good days way outnumber any bad days. I can still walk into the room to find he's taken all of his toys out of his basket.  He'll still play tennis ball out in the yard.  He still eats like a champ. He shakes his tail at us like crazy. He still smiles. His life force is still amazingly strong.

I know this won't last long.  It's been three weeks since his surgery and I am honestly amazed that he's still with us.  I seriously believed we had about a week or so when I wrote this post.  There are simply no words in the English language to express how thankful I am for this additional time we've had with him.  I spoil him at any given moment I have available.  I tell him constantly all of the sweet things I feel for him in my heart.  If I'm away from home for more than about two hours, I start to feel panicky and sick and I have to return home to be with him.  Because I still can.  And I want to be sure that he's comfortable.  

I'm writing this post today because I spoke with the in-home euthanasia veterinarian and I feel extremely emotional.  I called her because I want to feel somewhat prepared.  There's also comfort in knowing what the process will be and that someone will be available for us when the time comes.  I have to be honest, I am so scared of that moment.  So scared.  But there is no way I would miss Hubbell's last few moments.  As Alain describes it, it's a "sacred responsibility".  Alain always does have a way with words that makes me feel more at ease.  

Everyone always tells me I'm a "strong person".  A friend even told me that this morning.  But, it's funny, whenever anyone tells me that, I always think to myself, "Wow, I sure do have them fooled".  And I feel that way now.  I keep asking myself how on Earth I'm getting through this.  I cry so much it's ridiculous (although never in front of Hubbell ~ although I know he can tell anyway!).  It's really a kind of torture to not know if we have one more day with him or several more weeks. We have no choice but to take it day by day.  I can't tell you how many people have said I just have to mentally prepare myself for what's coming.  Even the vets.  But I can tell you one thing now (and those who have been through this will probably agree), there is no way on Earth to mentally prepare yourself for this type of moment, for living through the moment when your loyal and beloved family member, your most faithful companion, your very best friend, takes his last breath.  The finality of it is so overwhelming.

Anyway, I have no point to this post. I guess writing it down is rather cathartic.  I want this blog here of mine to be a small/selected record of my life.  I hope my girls will go back and read it one day in the future and know what my life was like when they were young.  And this is clearly a HUGE moment in my life.  One that surely Sophie will remember.  And there a few things I'd want for Sophie & Clara to know:

~ that it's a gift to be with someone in their last moments of life, no matter how hard.

~ that it's important to take care of those who are older and/or sick, no matter how hard.

~ that you have to keep going even when you have a broken heart, no matter how hard.

~ that it takes courage to get through this type of life/death event, no matter how hard.

~ that it's okay to cry, no matter how hard.

~ that there is also beauty in saying goodbye, sadness and loss. 

And I guess I'm reminding myself of those things as well.

Oh Hubbs, we love and adore you to no end.  You are the sweetest soul.  

Sophie & Clara

My new camera is quite possibly my favorite thing ever.

Maybe because it's a better camera or maybe because I have it out so often but I have photos of my girls now that I absolutely adore.  Here are a few I wanted to share because these photos really seem to capture who they are right this moment.

 

Sophie lost her 8th tooth of Friday while she was at school.  She asked me to take these photos of her with a new empty spot in her smile. So glad she did.  She totally melts my heart.

 

And little Clara.  Always with an inquisitive look.  Always looking a slight bit mischievous to me. It's like she's wondering what she can get into next.  Not sure whether to smile or cry.  She's still such a baby.  And delicious.  I want to eat her up.

For my sweet family, thank you for my camera.  From the bottom of my heart.  It makes me so very happy!