Not My Typical Sunday

On the surface looking in, this would seem like any ordinary Sunday in our home. Sleeping in. A nice breakfast. Some cleaning and laundry. Running a few errands. Enjoying each other's company. Spending time with our animals.

If you dig a teeny tiny bit, just below the surface, you will see that this is one of the most non-typical Sundays we've ever had. Why? Well, it's our last day at home as a three-person family. Our baby girl still hasn't made an appearance and I will have to be induced tomorrow morning. This is not the outcome I'd hoped for but it's a decision we thought long and hard over and have made our peace with. My doctor's office will not allow anyone to pass the 42-week mark, not even by one day. You also can't be induced on a Saturday. So my choice was to be induced on Monday with my very own doctor or wait until Thursday/Friday and have a complete stranger deliver my daughter. I have to be honest and tell you that the whole induction thing scares me a little. I've often heard it's more painful (as if!) and that you're three times as likely to end up having a C-Section. Criky. At the same time, my doctors have assured me that I've already progressed so much that it should be a quick and "easy" induction. I can only hope that they're right. My body already shows every imaginable sign that labor is going to happen at ANY MOMENT. And, at the end of the day, if I have to be induced, I'll feel so much more comfortable with my doctor's friendly face there helping me out. SO.....

Here we are. Relaxing at home but KNOWING that it's the last day of reality as we currently know it. It's such a bizarre state of being. Cleaning took on a different meaning today. It wasn't just the normal obligatory cleaning.....it was thinking that this baby girl deserves to come home to a nice, tidy, clean home. The laundry even felt different. It was a matter of saving myself from having to do it when we get home from the hospital. Instead I can spend that time cuddling and getting to know daughter #2. The errands took on a more important sense of urgency. It's peace of mind knowing that there's plenty of food for us and our beloved animals. As a bonus, thanks to Mom, Alain and I even got to enjoy a lunch alone today. A true luxury at any time but even more so knowing that our family grows by one tomorrow.

You could also say that I'm more emotional today. I can't help it. I now know for sure that today is my last day alone with Sophie. Starting tomorrow she will have to share my attention with her little sister. Her little world will be turned upside down. Even though I know what it's like to bring a new baby home, she has no idea. At the same time, my excitement for her is overwhelming. Tomorrow she will gain a sibling, a baby sister. My hopes for them, for their relationship, are so high. It all starts tomorrow. I can hardly believe it.

And this baby. This baby. We've been through a lot to get to this point. Several miscarriages. A lot of disappointment and worry. A moment of giving up. A big, happy surprise. Some concerns about the baby's well-being early in the pregnancy. A more difficult pregnancy than my pregnancy with Sophie. Our second overdue baby (our girls really do like to make us wait!). Now, only 16 hours left to wait...

More than anything, I look forward to having this baby come out and finding out that she's healthy. That is my biggest hope for tomorrow and I look forward to flushing that concern away. Secondly, I just can't wait to see her little face, her body, her lovely little hands and feet. Will she look like her sister? How will the experience be different? Will she have hair (oh how I love babies with loads of hair!)? What will happen when Sophie lays eyes on her for the first time? There are so, so, so many thoughts, feelings, questions floating through my mind.

So, as you can now see, this is not a typical Sunday. Not typical but oh so beautiful in so many ways. And I will enjoy every single solitary moment of it.....knowing that my life will only grow and become more full and enriched and overflowing with love tomorrow. Tonight, when I lie down for my last peaceful sleep for a while, as my head hits the pillow, I will whisper Sweet Dreams to my life as I know it.

It's the Season of the Lion..

....Leo roars to life!!! This was a headline on MSN this morning. It reminded me that my baby girl, who is due at any moment, is now a LEO!!!! I can't even believe it. All this time, I've been reading up on the Cancer zodiac sign. You see, I am a very grounded Earth sign. I'm not only a Taurus but my ascendent is also Taurus. Yet I live with some FIRY, FIRY, FIRY folks. You might know them as Alain & Sophie. So, as soon as I learned I was expecting, you best believe I started researching. I was hoping to have a baby with a strong earth or water sign to balance things out in this house. But I guess that wasn't meant to be. Leo is a fire sign. And I am now strongly outnumbered!!!! :-)

{image via MSN}

(*No, I don't hedge all of my bets on the zodiac signs.....it's more like a fun little hobby.....to read up on, research, better understand other folks.)

The truth is I don't care what my baby girl is.....I just can't wait to meet her. My little lioness cub! Come on out, baby girl.....it's TIME TO ROAR!!!

D-DAY.....

......has come and gone. My official due date was yesterday, July 16th. And guess what.....

Still no baby.

{photo taken at 39 weeks}

As with her Big Sister, it appears this baby girl is making me wait as well. Sophie was born exactly one week past her due date. We'll have to see how long this little one will make us wait. In the meantime, we are hanging out and taking it easy. Honestly, with so little sleep, I don't have the energy to do much more than that. I'm trying to save the little energy I do have for this labor experience. I am very sure I'll need it.

The excitement and anticipation......I have to say.....there's really nothing else quite like it.

Just Me & My Baby Girl

I don't know how much longer I'll be able to say that. I have no idea how many days I have left alone with Sophie before she has to share my attention with a newborn. In the meantime, I'm soaking up every moment I have left alone with my baby girl. Tonight she was being really sweet and snuggly with me. Rubbing my belly and speaking to her baby sister. I asked Alain to capture a couple of shots of us so that I could remember this moment forever....

37 Weeks

Coming Soon.....

We're getting so, so close.

As of yesterday, I'm already 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced and the baby is head down and at a -2 station. We did the sibling tour at the hospital today. Seeing the Labor & Delivery room (it was odd ~ it didn't look like a torture chamber!) and visiting the nursery full of newborns made me realize that my turn is almost up. It seems so very surreal. Tonight, we took some belly shots JUST IN CASE this baby decides to make an early, early appearance. Despite everything, I still find it hard to believe that this baby girl, our Little Love Bug, will be out in the world with us at any moment.

Misc Monday Photos & MindSpeak

It's a semi-quiet Monday here on the homestead. We're expecting a couple of repairmen so Alain and I are both sitting here at the dining table on our computers. He's probably actually working. I'm just goofing off and trying to figure out how to upload photos. I think I've worked it out. I only have a few to share but I find them fitting considering my mood today and what's been occupying my thought as of late. First with the photos:

{The lovely bee balm blossoms I mentioned last week.}

{An individual blossom.}

{My garden as of last Friday. So lush & green.}

Secondly, what's on my mind....

I just finished reading "Raising Elijah" by Sandra Steingraber. I read books of this nature quite often so, although I can't say I took in a whole bunch of new information, I was still quite reassured that there are voices out there like Sandra's. And I find it comforting to know that there are other parents out there who are trying to make the right choices/decisions regarding their children to protect them from damage caused by our current environmental crisis. (I quite admire Sandra actually. I hope to read her other books in the near future.)

Then Alain comes home and shares this article with me. And I feel immediately down. I don't know how else to describe it. There are moments when I feel hope/helpless and certainly feel like all the ways I try to live my life more green don't even begin to make a dent in the big picture. To make a dent.....now that would require more people making bigger changes, raising their voices, fighting for a better world. And, please excuse me for being honest, but I guess I don't have enough faith in mankind at the moment. It wasn't that long ago that I found myself hanging out with folks whose most interesting conversations, their only conversations really, surrounded the latest reality TV shows and who silently competed with one another to acquire the latest Tory Burch shoes/bags/etc. I continuously found myself disgusted. And I'm sure I was laughed at when I mentioned that I bought something consignment, talked about my garden, mentioned my drive to not use plastic as much as possible, discussed having this tiny little lovely as my next car (once mine dies), etc. Remember that catchy little tune, "One of these things is not like the others" from Sesame Street? Well yes, I would be the one who doesn't belong with the others. Now I could care less that people might laugh at my life choices. But I do care that there seems to be so few people that care about these types of issues, who seem so oblivious to the larger environmental crisis. If it weren't for finding like-minded individuals in the blogosphere, there's no telling how much worse I might feel. So, on the eve of the birth of my second baby girl, I am trying my best to be more optimistic, to remain hopeful, to continue to look for people who do think like me, ones that I can relate to and share ideas with.

{Alain snapped this photo yesterday while I was reading the paper. 36 Weeks.}

After uploading my photos, I realized that the ones of my garden, my plants and my flowers made me feel better. I am taking as many steps as I can to make my own little world, this tiny universe I share with my family, more healthy, peaceful, joyful, sound. That's all I can do at the moment. At least I'm able to feel relief that I am doing something. Baby steps. When I look back over the years, all of those baby steps, the knowledge I've acquired slowly over time, has really added up. I'll continue to do just what I've been doing and I really hope, over time, that other people (LOTS of other people) will join in.

The Little Things

~ Getting crafty and completing some projects for the baby's nursery. I can't wait to share them!

~ Alain's Bircher Muesli. It's simply one of my most favorite things EVER! He made some last night and I savored every bite this morning....YUM YUM....

~ Making a new friend. At this age, I think making new friends is hard. Yet, I'm at the start of a new friendship and it seems to be blossoming. It's such a nice feeling and I hope it continues....

~ Bee Balm Blossoms. I planted a Bee Balm plant last year and, much to my surprise, I discovered the massive, brightly colored blossoms yesterday. Oh my. Will try to capture a photo to share over the weekend! I want to know what types of insects/birds it attracts but it's on a side of our house where I rarely venture.

~ Hubbell had a dental cleaning at the vet's office on Monday. We had to drop him off at 8 AM and pick him up after 3 PM. I love how concerned about him I felt. I missed him all day and couldn't wait to pick him up and take care of him until he felt better....

~ "Hold the Cone" mini vanilla ice cream cones from Trader Joe's. And the Dark Chocolate Covered Caramels. How on Earth did I live my life before Trader Joe's?

~ My due date is only one month away. I can't help but be scared (I had a horrendous labor with Sophie) but I'm also very excited. The last bit of pregnancy is so very surreal. Any day now I could have a new daughter, in the flesh. I'll be able to hug & kiss her, speak to her face, feed her, change her, take care of her, take in the smell of her, see all the ways in which she's alike and different from her Big Sister, love her. The second time around is so different from the first.....you KNOW your life is about to change again in huge, crazy, unexpected ways. And yet you still look forward to it!!!

~ Sophie's utter excitement over Daddy heading to school with her this morning for "Doughnuts with Daddy".....she loves Father's Day and asks me every day when we can give him his present. It's so sweet!

~ We're about to be overrun with veggies from the garden. In the past few days, we've harvested at least 10 cucumbers. I love it!!! The zucchini is almost ready for harvesting and the tomatoes should be turning red, yellow & purple any day now. This is the really rewarding stage of gardening.....

The Spring of the Transverse Lie

So here I am....35 weeks pregnant and seriously slowing down. I feel so unproductive. This is silly considering I'm growing another little person inside my body. In reality, I've only been this productive once before in my life...when I grew Sophie. Even though I've done this before, I had an easy, easy, easy pregnancy with Sophie. I was almost five years younger and about twenty pounds less starting out. I don't think this is why this time has been harder though.

Most of my discomfort and concern is due to Baby Girl #2's choice of position....the transverse lie. She seems to really LOVE her side-to-side position. From time to time, she'll change position....usually to head down....but it doesn't last long and, before you know it, she's back to her favorite spot. Her big noggin is usually protruding out of my right side. Her bum is usually sticking out a little bit to the left of my belly button (or rather what used to be my belly button). Every so often I can feel some body part reaching up under my rib cage. Whew. Sleep is nearly impossible and I have some trouble breathing here and there. Needless to say, I'm not exactly having a good time.

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday and an ultrasound will be ordered if she still hasn't moved. At that point, my doctor will most likely try to move her manually into a head down position. No, I am not keen on this idea. Considering how sensitive and TIGHT, TIGHT, TIGHT my belly is, it sounds like a painful endeavor to me. I also don't want someone pushing my sweet baby around in her peaceful little cocoon. Still, if this might help to avoid a C-Section, it may be worth a try.... In the meantime, I'm doing my knee-chest exercises, meditating, speaking to the baby, making up and singing songs to her (think "Turn, Baby, Turn" sung to the tune of "Burn Baby Burn") and doing everything I can to get her to turn naturally. Fingers crossed.

I'm currently reading "Raising Elijah" by Sandra Steingraber. The first chapter is about being pregnant with her son and it's titled "The Summer of the Transverse Lie"....her son, like my girlie, was also in a transverse position. Luckily for Sandra, he turned at the last minute. I'm hoping for a similar outcome. Anyway, I wanted to give proper due for the title of this post. I didn't come up with it myself. (this is a great book, by the way....subject matter that's right up my alley....it's hard to put down at night!).

Nursery Details, Part I

I am hard at work on My Nesting List. Hard at it. I'd say the item that gives me the most heartburn (which I have plenty of these days, believe me!) is the nursery. We've been using this spare bedroom as a storage unit for the last year or so. Well, cleaning it out is NOT FUN. But I'm tackling tiny little bits at a time and I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere. There's still much left to do though....

Honestly, creating a nursery is one of my absolute favorite parts of having a baby. I had so many ideas for this nursery that it's taken a long time to decide which way to go. I even debated orange walls with a transportation theme, inspired by Dwell Studio's Transportation pattern.

That didn't go well with all of the nursery furniture, bedding, etc that we have so I had to tone down my vision. Sophie's nursery/room is green and blue (we didn't know the gender before she was born) so everything we have is green and blue. SO, in the end, this nursery will have light blue walls (still debating the exact shade) with all sorts of pink (yes, pink, can you believe it?) and green accessories. I started creating an inspiration board and I add little bits to it as I find them. It's actually been quite helpful.

I've made three (small) purchases thus far to decorate the nursery. This baby girl is inheriting Sophie's old dresser/changing table. Maybe it's because I'm the oldest child (by almost seven years) but I don't want for Baby Numero Dos to have hand-me-down everything. So, inspired by this photo in the Pottery Barn Kids catalog, I made a quick trip to Anthro and picked up loads of new knobs to try out on the dresser. Hand-me-down dresser, yes. But spiced up a little bit. In the end, I decided on some light pink glass flower knobs. I just put them on today and they really are sweet....

Dresser Before

Dresser After

(due to my Type A personality, I was somewhat annoyed at the slight differences in the glass color of each knob. I'm trying really hard to let it go....)

Close-Up of New Knobs

As with Sophie's room, this nursery will also have a strong bird theme. I guess I just love birds. Recently, I stopped by a local antique store and picked up this "vintage" birdcage. It's so adorable. I'll paint it some shade of pink and then hang it once the room is painted.

Lastly, I picked up this sign to hang in her room.....and I'm hoping to do a collage above the changing table with this sweet little sign in the mix.

After putting all of this together today, I started to get really excited. I look forward to the day when it's all complete and the nursery's new inhabitant is all snuggled up and cozy in her sweet little cocoon.

Randomness

I've been a busy little bee lately. So much going on. So much on my mind. Here goes....

*** With regard to the 52 Week, 52 Letter Challenge, I mailed #4 today.

*** I'm making a huge effort to de-plasticize my kitchen. After reading articles (such as this one and this one) and research and books for what seems like ages, I decided there's no time like the present. About a month ago, I was reading a magazine (can't remember which one) and this really caught my attention:

about #6 plastic (PS) --

"Made of petroleum byproducts, commonly used for meat trays, foam food containers, and Styrofoam. PS can leach carcinogens and hormone disrupters, contributing to infertility and cancer, and its production requires carcinogens and ozone-layer depleting compounds. Because PS is so light and unsinkable, it' s easily carried by wind and is a main component of marine debris."

That last sentence immediately made me think Chris Jordan's photos of dead albatrosses with stomachs full of plastic. I don't understand how anyone wouldn't be moved by this.... We are all responsible.

I was particularly interested in #6 plastic because its not recyclable where we live. After reading the above, I came home and tore apart what I have in the frig, etc to see what #6 plastics I could find. Luckily only one but a very concerning one. Hmmmmm. So is anyone familiar with Danonino yogurts for kids? Normally I would never buy these because they're not organic but my daughter is very attracted to them in the store and I've bought them for her on a few occasions. Yep, you guessed it, #6 plastic. Not recyclable and potentially harming my child. I was angry. Since then, I check products in the store before I buy them. No #6 for me.

Last week I almost passed out when I realized that the to-go lid for my Starbucks latte was #6. WHAT? Call me naive but I expected a bit more from Starbucks. So not recyclable AND I'm also ingesting whatever toxins leak out when my EXTRA HOT drink pours through the lid to land right in my mouth. Swallowed and right down to my unborn child potentially. I was pissed.

In my research (and who knows what to believe), I know that this form of plastic is FDA approved. Does that make me feel any better? Hell no. I don't trust that. All the evidence seems to point to the fact that PS can leach potential toxins into food/drink. And, honestly, why take a chance? I'm so glad to know all of this now. I thought I should pass it along so that others might know as well....

This week I finally went out and bought a whole bunch of glass containers of varying sizes. And all of my plastic Rubbermaid, etc went into the recycling bin. Already I feel better. AND, as a bonus, I was able to buy Anchor products which are still made in the USA.

*** I just finished the book "American Wasteland" by Jonathan Bloom.

I discovered this book on The Non-Consumer Advocate blog. I thought I'd have a hard time getting into a book about food waste. WRONG. It was actually quite fascinating. By the end I realized I already do more than most as far as this topic is concerned. I compost all of my fresh fruit & veggie remains and I use my own compost in my garden. Still, I've renewed my other efforts to reduce food waste:

1. Plan meals in advance. This is hard for me because I don't enjoy cooking AT ALL but I'm working on it.

2. Shop smarter. See example below.

3. Be better about using/eating leftovers (also not easy for me). See sites below...

4. Store food properly (working on this) and understand expiration dates.

5. My store already donates produce that is "going bad" and offers a sale rack so I'm making a bigger effort to check out the "sale rack". Today is a great example:

There were 2 very large tomatoes in a bag, a little soft but otherwise looking great and they were priced at $1.58. Way too good to resist! I can use them for dinner tonight (Caprese salad anyone?) so they're perfect. When the cashier was ringing them, he didn't realize they were "on sale" so he just punched in the number on the little label on the tomato. $6.38. I pointed out his mistake and he immediately corrected it. I saved $4.80 and saved these 2 tomatoes from the possible dumpster. I was so proud!

The book also turned me on to two great sites:

1. Love Food Hate Waste (as it turns out, the English are putting the US to shame as far as efforts to reduce food waste go!)

2. The "Green Granny" videos. Love these!

*** I've been wanting this book for a long time. This morning I stopped by Borders to pick up a book for Sophie and I found it in the Clearance bin for $5.99. I was SO STOKED. I can't wait to make things with these vintage patterns. I'll share when I do. I love this book...

*** Guess how many pillows I'm sleeping with these days? FIVE!!! Yes, the belly is getting quite large these days and I'm just starting to get a little uncomfortable during the night. All those pillows help a lot. The baby is moving around a lot more now and I can feel that she's much bigger. Sometimes she kicks so hard I feel like her foot will pop right through my belly.

*** With regard to My Nesting List, I've made plans for the Mommy/Daughter trip. Sophie and I are heading to Hilton Head Island for part of next week. She LOVES it there (she calls it "The Turtle Beach") and I know she'll be so happy when she finds out we're going. I'm also excited just to be at the beach for a little while when it's not yet really hot out. I have all kinds of plans for us while we're there ~ mini golf, ice cream, playground, biking, nature walks on the beach, etc. I'm really looking forward to my first vacation trip alone with my girl.

My Nesting List

I am 25 weeks pregnant today. And, at this point, I am starting to panic just a tad because there is still so much left to do before this baby is born. I thought it might help to put my to-do list down on, well, computer. Let's just see how much I can get done in 3 1/2 months!!!

~ Go on mommy/daughter trip with Sophie (just the two of us!)

~ Finish Sophie's baby book (pathetic, I know, but it is what it is)

~ Finish organizing photos (before a gazillion new ones come flooding in!)

~ Finish organizing Sophie's 5th birthday party (because it'll be about 4-6 weeks after the baby is born....)

~ Finish organizing another secret/surprise project

~ Choose a name for the baby (which won't be shared until after the birth)

~ Clean out room that will be nursery

~ Have nursery painted

~ Finish decorating nursery

~ Wash baby clothes

~ Choose a birth announcement and have ready just to fill in details & possible photo!

{image via Martha}

Happiness is.....

~ Having my 24-week checkup with the doctor Monday morning and seeing my baby girl wiggling around on the ultrasound. Normally, there wouldn't have been an ultrasound during this appointment but my doctor had some concern because this baby girl hangs REALLY LOW, ALL THE TIME. The nurse had a hard time finding her heartbeat, even after I'd warned her that the baby was extremely low. As it turns out, everything is GREAT, GREAT, GREAT. This baby is currently in breech position, sitting on my bladder, and her feet are right around my hoo-ha (which is where I feel all of her movement and kicks). There is absolutely zero sign of any pre-term labor. Her heartbeat is very steady at 156 bpm. I was amazed at how large she's become and how she's starting to fill out my entire uterus. Wow. And I almost fell off the table when my doctor said we'll start the 2-week checkups after next month's appointment. WOW. This pregnancy is flying by and that was my wake-up call. So...very happy appointment!!!

~ Receiving a lovely, lovely handwritten letter/card in the mail, from my wonderful sister-in-law, Bianca. (I am blessed with two wonderful sisters-in-law actually and consider myself quite lucky!) She saw my blog post about the 52 week/52 letter challenge and decided to beat me to the punch by sending me a handwritten little sumpin', sumpin'. While she apologized for the picture on the front of the card, I LOVED IT. It made me giggle because I thought it was more than appropriate given my current "condition". What do you think?

~ Also, with regard to the 52/52 Challenge, I mailed letters #2 and #3 today! And, see, you thought I'd already forgotten....

~Fresh flowers in the hooouuuussseeeee. It's been my splurge lately. And it really does make me happier....

~ Planning our next family trip to New York City. I'm working on my current wish list (here's the wish list for my solo trip last August) and it makes me so very excited!!! I can hardly stand it....so much to do there and so little time always.

~ Watching and singing The Sound of Music with Sophie. Last weekend we planned a family movie night to let Sophie watch The Sound of Music for the first time. What a great idea! She LOVED IT and now asks to watch the "Music Machine" (a special feature showing all the songs from the movie) almost daily. It's very fun to watch and sing along with her. It's also so heart warming to listen to her sing and dance from the next room!

~ Sophie's art work brightening up the kitchen.

The Big Sister!

As you might imagine, one of the greatest parts of this pregnancy has been sharing it with Sophie. Due to my history and my fear of something being wrong with the baby, we didn't share the news with her until after the four month mark. We had intended to wait longer but during one pleasant Saturday morning breakfast we decided we couldn't wait any longer. The thought of telling Sophie was just too exciting! My darling husband, who is one of the world's biggest sentimental shmucks, began telling her but started to get emotional. So I finished the job. It took a moment to sink in for Soph. Then her eyes started to get bigger and she started to grin....

Her very first question? "Will my little sister go to my school?" Yes she will, for a few months, until you start kindergarten was our reply. She was delighted!

Her second question? "Mommy, how does the baby come out of your belly?" Oh, the dreaded question. To which I replied.....Well, you see, Mommy has to push really, really hard to get the baby out. "Does it hurt?" Well yes, it hurts a lot but my doctor will be there to help out and she can give me medicine if it hurts too much. Under the table, I was wrenching my hands. I was so scared she would ask me WHERE I pushed the baby out. To my surprise, that question never came. It still hasn't to this day.

One of the reasons I had decided last August to stop trying for a baby was because I also thought that the age difference between Sophie and a possible younger sibling was getting to be larger than I would want. Boy was I wrong. It hurts to think about all that I would have missed out on. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how much a part of this whole process Sophie is. It's not just between Alain and I. She understands everything. She asks the most interesting questions. I love the pride on her face when she tells other people that "Mommy is growing a baby in her belly". I love her smile when people ask if she's going to a good big sister and she replies Yes.

All my life I've wished I had a sister. Every woman I know who doesn't have a sister tells me the same. So I am THRILLED on Sophie's behalf that she will have a sister.....a sister just like I always wanted. As with any parent, I just hope that they are close and that they have a good relationship. I know it's mostly luck but I'll do everything in my power to steer them in the right direction.

I am so very lucky that things have turned out this way. I'm so happy that Sophie is four and a half. I don't mind the almost five-year age difference that will exist between my two children. I am delighted that Sophie will perhaps remember some of this and will most likely always remember the day her baby sister was born. I still count my little brother's date of birth as one of the happiest in my life (yes, even though he wasn't the sister I'd dreamed of!). Most of all, I'm so happy that I am "growing a baby in my belly"....a little sister for the soon-to-be, sure-to-be wonderful BIG SISTER SOPHIE.

Here We Go (& GROW!) Again....

Life is full of surprises. Good ones and not so good ones. Well, in early November, I had a HUGE surprise. What was it? A positive pregnancy test. Yes, a positive pregnancy test. And I was shocked beyond belief. Why? Well, in August, I'd told my husband I didn't want to try anymore. After losing a couple of babies in the previous year, I didn't want to experience any further loss, didn't want to suffer through any more D&C surgeries. So we took the proper steps to prevent a pregnancy and I started making other plans for my life. Can you imagine my surprise when I wasn't feeling well and took that test to find a positive result? Listen, I studied biology on a graduate level for a few years. I know ALL about the birds and the bees. But I'm still not exactly sure how this pregnancy came to be. Did I have a fun night with a few too many glasses of wine? No, not that I can recall. This had to happen in October. And I clearly remember October. I went to Atlanta to visit a dear friend of mine and I remember thinking it would be a "safe month" because I'd be gone during the, uh, "ripe time". Well, I was wrong.

And I couldn't be more happy to have been wrong. I'll admit that, at first, I wasn't exactly pleased. I thought it was a safe assumption that I'd just end up losing another baby. I didn't want that hurt and disappointment and possible surgery time again. I'd also started making plans to go back to work. In my mind, I was headed in a direction full force, thinking I was totally done with being pregnant and having babies. My disbelief lasted a while. I kept making other plans while I awaited bad news at each doctor appointment. It was only during the third ultrasound, at around 12 weeks, that I actually allowed myself to look at the little baby on the screen. WOW! This is my second time around but I'd forgotten how fully formed these munchkins are at that early stage. And I saw and heard that wonderful heartbeat, the one thing those previous babies I'd lost just never had. That day I had no choice but to sit up and take notice and accept that this just might be the one pregnancy that would work out.

After a little scare and a CVS test (which went VERY WELL and was not at all scary, thank you!), I am now 20 weeks along. Yes, half way through. I had the anatomical ultrasound last week and this baby girl (yes, another girlie for us ~ YAY!) looks wonderful. I think I'm finally breathing normally and may actually get to enjoy the last half of this pregnancy. My second little baby girl is crazy active and constantly giving me swift kicks to let me know that she's still there and doing fine.

Now that I'm here, I couldn't be any more pleased at how things have happened. For me, in my mind, this little girl is meant to be. At the right time and in the right place. Truthfully, even though I wasn't trying and even though I was busily making other plans, I could never make total peace with having only one child. I think there is NOTHING wrong with having an only child and Sophie is more than enough to make me happy for the rest of my life. But, to me, my family felt incomplete. I was trying really hard (!!!) but I just couldn't get there. From about two months in, I realized that, if this pregnancy worked out, I would have the peace I'd been seeking. And I do.

Welcome peace......please make yourself at home.....