I don't do New Year's Resolutions. Still, when this year began, even in my sleep-deprived fog, I knew I wanted to do something. Then I remembered seeing a lot of stuff online about choosing a word of the year.....to focus on, meditate on, act on, etc. I had barely thought about the idea and THE word popped into my head.
That's my word for 2012. An obvious and very easy choice. What inspired this word? Actually, it was my second daughter......my very sunny baby, Clara Louise. She is constantly smiling. She even laughs in her sleep. She brings a lot of joy to all of us. I always describe her disposition as sunny. Little Miss Clara spreads her own particular brand of sunshine in her own way, in her own time, generously, freely. It's a beautiful thing. I noticed that I was constantly thinking that I'd like to be more like her.
Along with her birth, I also discovered a constant and deep feeling of gratitude. It hangs around with me even when I'm sick or sleep deprived or overwhelmed. I am just lucky. Not to mention that my heart is overflowing with love and ready to bust wide open. So, in whatever way I can, I want to spread sunshine to others. I don't have a lot of free time but I've already started in small ways. Alain has enjoyed several foot massages as of late. I read extra books to Sophie when she asks. I whisper sweet nothings and stroke her forehead when I rock Clara before her nap. I tell my girls CONSTANTLY how I love them more than they can possibly imagine. I give Hubbell a little massage here and there. I sing to the birds. I called my friend, Leslie, and invited her to lunch with Clara & I. I bought my Dad a cool book for his birthday. I had the best damned dinner with Elizabeth & Nathalie ~ one that made me feel energized and happy. I've been trying to slowly reconnect and reconcile with an estranged cousin. I smile more. I laugh more. Those are my sunshine gifts to myself. All of these things make me feel good inside. I'm old enough and wise enough to recognize happiness and peace when it visits me in my life. So I've decided that I am going to ride this roller coaster of happiness and peace......ride it with everything I have inside of me. And hopefully spread a little bit of sunshine in the process....