Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Here We Go (& GROW!) Again....

Life is full of surprises. Good ones and not so good ones. Well, in early November, I had a HUGE surprise. What was it? A positive pregnancy test. Yes, a positive pregnancy test. And I was shocked beyond belief. Why? Well, in August, I'd told my husband I didn't want to try anymore. After losing a couple of babies in the previous year, I didn't want to experience any further loss, didn't want to suffer through any more D&C surgeries. So we took the proper steps to prevent a pregnancy and I started making other plans for my life. Can you imagine my surprise when I wasn't feeling well and took that test to find a positive result? Listen, I studied biology on a graduate level for a few years. I know ALL about the birds and the bees. But I'm still not exactly sure how this pregnancy came to be. Did I have a fun night with a few too many glasses of wine? No, not that I can recall. This had to happen in October. And I clearly remember October. I went to Atlanta to visit a dear friend of mine and I remember thinking it would be a "safe month" because I'd be gone during the, uh, "ripe time". Well, I was wrong.

And I couldn't be more happy to have been wrong. I'll admit that, at first, I wasn't exactly pleased. I thought it was a safe assumption that I'd just end up losing another baby. I didn't want that hurt and disappointment and possible surgery time again. I'd also started making plans to go back to work. In my mind, I was headed in a direction full force, thinking I was totally done with being pregnant and having babies. My disbelief lasted a while. I kept making other plans while I awaited bad news at each doctor appointment. It was only during the third ultrasound, at around 12 weeks, that I actually allowed myself to look at the little baby on the screen. WOW! This is my second time around but I'd forgotten how fully formed these munchkins are at that early stage. And I saw and heard that wonderful heartbeat, the one thing those previous babies I'd lost just never had. That day I had no choice but to sit up and take notice and accept that this just might be the one pregnancy that would work out.

After a little scare and a CVS test (which went VERY WELL and was not at all scary, thank you!), I am now 20 weeks along. Yes, half way through. I had the anatomical ultrasound last week and this baby girl (yes, another girlie for us ~ YAY!) looks wonderful. I think I'm finally breathing normally and may actually get to enjoy the last half of this pregnancy. My second little baby girl is crazy active and constantly giving me swift kicks to let me know that she's still there and doing fine.

Now that I'm here, I couldn't be any more pleased at how things have happened. For me, in my mind, this little girl is meant to be. At the right time and in the right place. Truthfully, even though I wasn't trying and even though I was busily making other plans, I could never make total peace with having only one child. I think there is NOTHING wrong with having an only child and Sophie is more than enough to make me happy for the rest of my life. But, to me, my family felt incomplete. I was trying really hard (!!!) but I just couldn't get there. From about two months in, I realized that, if this pregnancy worked out, I would have the peace I'd been seeking. And I do.

Welcome peace......please make yourself at home.....

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